Cory and Aurora’s new tablets came. She then swung it around and hit Cory and now he has a massive bruise 😅 But he was good, he hit her back instead of biting, so pat on the back for the devil spawns. Cory doesn’t see his dad’s family that often so we’re going round there Sunday daytime for dinner. I really don’t want to go but Cory won’t go on his own. His dad doesn’t really try to get on with him. When he does see him, he just sits on his phone and ignores him most of the time. I expected it from every guy, except his own dad. But nah. Dick of the year, he is.

I’m being rushed. Aloha.

 Honestly don't know what I'm going to write.

I'm a single mum of two. I don't want to fuck around with meaningless relationships or flings. I just want to be happy with someone. I most definitely don't want to spend months seeing someone, just for them to change their mind again. I want to be open about the fact I'm seeing (whoever I'm seeing). I want to do days out with the kids because it means they acknowledge and accept them. I want the random date nights, films on the sofa with the duvet, anything. I want someone who can say "This is my girlfriend and she's fucking amazing". I want to take stupid photos and show people that I'm with someone out of this world and vice versa. I guess I want someone who doesn't try to hide because they want to fuck about on the side. Someone who isn't ashamed, but proud to be with me...

Today was one of my bad days. I've spent the last three hours on and off crying and for the first two hours I could barely breathe, from a panic attack. I'm still randomly crying, but hey, I can breathe now. Yay me. Louis came to see the kids, we watched a few shitty animations and then he hugged me and told me I'm fucking amazing. Even though he doesn't know about my bad days, he can just tell when I need reassurance and that is literally why he is the best friend I've ever had.

That's all for today. Ciao.

I was doing do fucking well. And then everything went to shit. I’m pretty much depressed all the time. My sleeping has got to the point of a few hours a night, at most. It all got too much last week and I did something stupid, which led to me having to contact my doctor to get on meds. I’m just not coping lmao. I told one of my mates and he told me to get out of Essex for a while and stay with him. Genuinely considering it at this point. I need a break.

In other news, I’m looking for a nursery for Cory. I think it’d be good for him to meet other kids his age and it gives me one on one time with Aurora. I’ve been taking them both to kidspace a couple times a week to get them out the flat. They seem to be enjoying it so that’s good, I guess.

Since my last post, I’ve cut off about 6 different friends but I’ve made a fair few and I’m actually happy about it.

I honestly don’t even know why I’m typing all this out. But I needed to get it off my chest and short of talking it out, this is the next best thing.