(I CHANGED DOMAIN SO THIS IS ACTUALLY A FEW MONTHS OLD AND REPOSTED)

I’ve not had a very fortunate love life. A lot of people can say that. If I’m honest, I’ve always been ungrateful in my relationships. I like to blame it on the fact that I’m an asshole after some things that have happened, but I must own up to the truth that I’m the problem. I push people away, I don’t share how I feel, and I act like I’m heartless. But I am human. I have feelings too. Today’s post is about the lessons I learnt from my ex partners. I really want to say that they were completely pointless, but I did take something away every time. I guess now it’s time to list them, however I’m acknowledging these lessons as I type this post. So, I apologise beforehand if they make no sense to you. Like I’ve said before, my blog is mainly for me.

Trust is a hard thing for me. After being cheated on a fair few times, I’m guessing psycho is the appropriate way to describe me; up to you to guess if I’m joking or not. I realised that a relationship will never ever work if there is no trust. Trust is a fundamental part of one, it’s vital. Without it your relationship is over before it has even started. I can probably say I have only ever trusted two exes without a doubt. One of whom completely shattered it towards the end of the relationships demise. I guess I’ve learnt from him that sometimes too much trust is dangerous, it allows you to be taken advantage of. But unfortunately, too much trust is better than none. Yes, you might get hurt. Although, if you’re not? Then it’ll be the best feeling in the world.

When you’re in a relationship, sometimes the honeymoon phase causes you to forget people you normally wouldn’t. With one ex, he hated my family but hid it very well. He would just decline their invitations for events and moaned if he was left on his own. It made me feel bad so I wouldn’t go either. When me and him split up, it was my family that were there for me. They helped me move, they supported me, did whatever they could for me. No matter what, whether they agree with your decisions or not, they are still always going to love you. I forgot about them when I was with him, but they forgave me. They understood. It’s a good thing that me and him split anyway, after we split up which my parents told me they hated him the whole time we were together. That made me feel a bit better about the whole break up. Family ARE important. They always will be, and I will NEVER forget that now.

Being honest is something a lot of my exes had problems with. It was like it physically pained them to tell the truth. I’m not innocent. But I didn’t lie, I just didn’t tell the whole story. Now? Now I won’t shut up about the truth, which can possibly do worse than good on occasion. The truth hurts though, lies just fuck shit up. A word of advice. If a woman ever asks you a question that’s very specific, DO NOT LIE. She already knows the answer, she just wants to see what lousy excuse your dumb ass is going to come out with. No relationship is perfect, perfect doesn’t exist. Telling the truth can cause arguments, but they are healthy. It means you’re working out your issues instead of bottling up. That does no good, it just builds up until you explode and most likely will be the end of your relationship. Being honest can hurt, but it paves way for solutions and gives each of you a chance to fix things.

If you’ve read any of my old posts, you’ll have seen the one about love. I’ve only ever loved one person and I ruined that relationship. I’m not saying to have a good relationship you need to be in love, but that should be the aim. If you can never see that happening, you need to drop it and quick. I have been engaged twice (not a lot of people know about the first time) and neither time, I was in love. I’d like to think I was, but I wasn’t. I guess I just accepted the proposals out of pressure and convenience. Like I said at the beginning, I was an asshole. I tried to keep failed relationships going, tried to keep us both happy. But I could never see myself loving either of them and I was right. Now I’m at the point where I want to get to know the person as much as I can before even getting too close to them, so I can tell if it can go anywhere.

I think this will be my last lesson. And that would be that I need to do what is right for me. I’m an asshole, yes, but I always tried to keep everyone else happy. I stayed in relationships where I put myself in harms way, physically and emotionally. Now I know that no matter how much it might hurt the other person, I need to put myself first. As you all know, I am a part of a package deal, me and my two gorgeous babies. So it isn’t just me coming first, it’s them too. And one day, HOPEFULLY (fingers crossed), I will find the perfect guy, for them and for me. You could say I’m undeserving, but those two perfect children DESERVE to have a male role model that wants to be there for them, care for them. And one day they will have that.